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This is just the place to post my grumps and gripes, so that’s just what I’ll do today.

Last night was awful.  Myself and my friend dave went out to do karaoke last night.  It started out just fine.  Got a shot of whiskey each and put in our picks for songs to sing.  Then after someone did a song this cute little blond starts flirtin with me.  She enticed me out on the dance floor and started doing some freaky dirty dancing that resembled more of a night in bed than anything else.  Oh I suppose I was turned on a bit.  I kind of thought it was sexy but a bit freaky.  Dave just hung out and drank a little more.

So I’m going to get just one more drink and so I turn around and ask this girl if she wants one, and she says yes so I bring the drinks back and hand one to her and she just downs the whole thing in one go…so okay I do the same, but in fact I didn’t really get hardly buzzed.  So two drinks total and I’m good to go and still clear headed.  Then reality comes to visit.  This girl sure has a whole hell of a lot of reality if you ask me.  Dang it… she wasn’t there to have a good time.  She was basically there to sulk and to be pissed off.  She had a bad day so she comes and gets wasted at the bar.  Well she ended up tellin’ me some of her story and she has 5 kids supposedly which she put up for adoption and lives with her x-boyfriend I guess.  Its a pretty sad place to be if you ask me.  I didn’t let that phase me though…she is human and we humans have a lot of potential to make huge improvements in our lives.  I’m one testimony to that, and my brothers are as well.  My friend Dave even knows what I’m talking about.

This girl had the audacity to start making out with me - seemingly just out of the blue - and then get all in my face about some dumb crap she made up.  What the hell?  Then she talks crap to Dave and to me and to everybody she knew there, and then starts telling me I have beautiful eyes.  Whats this girl on about anyways??  At this point I think Dave threw up a couple of times.  He was pretty ticked that this girl had basically told me to go f&%# off just out of nowhere.  I didn’t take her so seriously, but she was beginning to freak me out.  I get a bit uneasy when a hot girl starts to flirt and really come on to me and then has to deal with other relationships or ex-bfs right then and there.  What if the guy wanted to get offended at ME and pick a fight?  I’m not there to be her reason that she doesn’t need the other guy.  Thats stupid and I’ve been there and done that before and I’m not too fond of going there again.

So she’s 32 years old and looks like she’s around 22.  Maybe she looked even more like she was about 18 I don’t know.  Her face did show signs of aging though.  I still thought she was very pretty.  Its just that she continually flipped out and made me really wonder whether she was actually still with someone or if she had been telling the truth.  I hate that crap.  A girl should be able to express that she’s available without any strings attached and whether she’s not available.  A single guy doesn’t need to be jerked around like that.

So she keeps trying to get us to go with her "downtown" to this other bar (we WERE downtown btw) and I kept getting suspicious that she only wanted to get laid basically.  I wasn’t about all that.  I wanted to just get to know her and if she was the right kind of gal, then maybe get a steady relationship going, but not all in one night necessarily.  Especially not when this chick has an ex-boyfriend hanging around making me wonder whether they’re actually still together.

She told me she would have to walk 4 miles in the freezing cold and snow to get home.  I said I would give her a ride home and it would be just a plain and simple ride in the car and drop off.  She thought about it and decided she’d let me take her home.  Well I knew Dave wasn’t happy having her in the car.  So I opened my big mouth and said something that sounded pretty bad after I thought about it.  I basically said he could stay there while I go drop her off, but the words I used were more subtly provocative sounding and even if I had said it differently I think the idea of leaving him there and just having her and me in the car was scary to her anyways.  Maybe she just picked up on the fact that she was with company that didn’t really appreciate her.  Well she said she wanted out and so I let her out and she went off cussing and screaming in my direction while I drove off just being thankful I was done being around this psychopath chick.

In retrospect, I believe the best thing happened.  If I had actually taken her home, there’s no telling what could have gone wrong.  Maybe her ex would have come out with a baseball bat and beat my car in or maybe even my head.  Maybe she, being so crazy and psycho at the time might have called in some sexual harrassment thing and wouldn’t have needed much evidence except for an eyewitness who could say that we left together in my car.  That’d be just what she would need - money for nothing out of deceit.

In the same token since I believe the best thing happened, its possible that if I see her again - and hopefully sober and not pissed off - she might recognize me and be nice and maybe I can get to know the real person that was hiding inside of her last night.

I still can say though that it was one heck of a crappy night with all sorts of ups and downs and I went to sleep just thinking of the fact that I was socializing with this psycho girl that I don’t know if I want anything to do with.  It creeped me out pretty bad and I didn’t sleep that well.

One thing I can say that I want in a girl is devotion and loyalty only to me in her personal life.  Of course she can always put God first, but not a whole bunch of other guys that she happens to feel comfortable around and decide that she can share herself with all of them too.  Thats sickening and that might have been the picture Dave got when he started throwin up.

When it comes to what I can tolerate with a girl though, ..I am not really sure that there is much I WANT to tolerate.  So far the girls I’ve known just want to mess with my mind and screw me up with their dumb games.  With one or two exceptions.  I have known some who were pretty much just what I wanted in a girl and I could have had them but I think I messed up and made them see a side of me that I didn’t know could be there.  I don’t want that side to come out again.  Its dark and lonely and depressed.  I don’t need that.  I know that if I decide to, I can have a single life and love it.  I can also decide to have a relationship and love it.  Its up to me.  If I make the choice though, I need to live up to the responsibility of the decision.  That means following through and living through it and working with it no matter what punches are thrown.

All in all, after last night I got to reflecting and really thinking deeply about what I’m all about and what I want and how I feel about different things.  This is a good thing.  I still don’t know if I want to pursue any serious relationship, and I am pretty certain I don’t just wanna have any one night stands.  My bed is either just for me, or for me and the special one who will always be there by my side through my whole life.  If there is such a one, then I’d like to get the ball rollin’ ….otherwise, then what am I wasting my time and money for?  There’s more in life than pursuing girls.  There’s hobbies and ministries and fun stuff.  There’s a whole planet of things to do and it all could sure use a bit more focus.

If you sat here and read through this post, would you care to write me or comment and tell me your thoughts?

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 30th, 2006 at 13.28.37 and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.