Who reads my dumb blog??
I was just about to write about the need for me to make a plan for my life when I realized, probably nobody ever reads my goofy blog!
I guess the blog is mostly for my own benefit, but if nobody ever reads it there’s a certain amount of contribution and appreciation that is lacking. Why won’t you people out there just get into my blog and read it every once in a while? Of course, I’m not talking to those actually reading it…those who aren’t are the ones I’m talking about ….nevermind anyways because whats the point in complaining to people who can’t hear you.
Okay, so even if nobody reads my blog I figure there might maybe could be somebody who comes across and reads it just once maybe. And for them I’ll continue with my prior blogging topic…
TO PLAN or NOT TO PLAN.
What’s my plan? I don’t have one yet. I know how to plan and I know what it takes to follow a plan, but what am I doing? I’m sitting around waiting for it to be made FOR me or something. I don’t want somebody telling me what to do though…but it helps if somebody comes along who sees what it is I really want and tells me how to get it. The odds of that happening though are slim to none. The fact is, I gotta get up off my duff and do it myself if I can. I totally can if I know what I want. Aye, there’s the rub.
I don’t know what I want anymore. I dare to dream and my dreams get pinched and reality sets in. So whats the point? If I can’t dream big then why bother? I could be happy with some simple things sure, but right now I feel I need big things. Ugh. So I could think of a few things I might be satisfied with if I had them…
- A wonderful lovely and loving and fun and cool to be with wife.
- A business that practically takes care of me without the need for me to keep working, but I keep putting in a bit of time anyways for its own growth, and my own as well. A free-and-clear lifestyle.
- A band or musical group that’s popular and tight, and traveling and doing lots of touring - but not too much.
- A recording studio that is set up and decorated just right so that every time you come into it you cannot help but be inspired and make awesome music. The time spend there is never wasted and always a joy.
- A fair sized beautiful home with room to grow and room for recreation and guests and parties. A place where one would never get bored or care to leave if they had the choice.
So there are those few things that I could go for in this life. Its not too small and not too big. In fact maybe these are just the very things my soul needs to focus on and go after. If I do go after them, then I’m going to need to plan each day and make little goals which each work towards those in some amount if not almost miniscule.
Then there’s the idea of living like its your last day to live. Or, if you’re like me, you’ve thought about what you could have done back in the day when you didn’t know you wanted something, and you could have done something about it, but didn’t realize it or didn’t see the vision or didn’t have the desire to be aggressive or proactive about it. I’ve realized that when I was younger and going to a christian school, I would have liked to have graduated from that school, except for my parents couldn’t afford to keep me in it. It could have been easy for me to decide to get to work and start doing little odd-jobs like mowing people’s lawns and stuff and earning the money to go myself, but at the time I hadn’t realized that I really even wanted that. It would have been a huge HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE confidence booster for me which I later discovered I desperately need. Movies could have been made about a guy who at a young age decided what he wanted and worked as hard as he could and he got exactly what he wanted - an education and a social life that would go on to serve him in a capacity of confidence and business decision making and also in finding that special wife-person. Its easy for me to think that back then I had the energy and drive to do something like that if it were my own idea at the time. WHAT IF… I could get the same idea for what I will want tomorrow…just TODAY … and then do something …..go for it with all I’ve got and actually MAKE IT HAPPEN right now? Instead of looking back and saying "Yeah, …I could’ve would’ve should’ve..", I get up in reality’s face and say "I AM!!!" and tomorrow I get what I went for and I say "I DID!"
What if I take all of those principles and apply that energy and enthusiasm towards these goals here? Can I make it happen? Can I do something about them? Will I? What if my goals change? I suppose I would need to re-evaluate them and what I need to be focusing on and adjust accordingly. Its worth it I think. What if others in my life decide they’d like me to help them with their dreams and they want me to be a part of it…such as a musical group or something? I suppose I need to tell them I have to look at how it will fit into my goals and maybe there’s something I can do other than what they were wanting that could be contributed. This is definitely a reality for me and something I need to deal with right now. I don’t know how much I want to start a certain music group up if its not something I really believe in. I like the idea of doing music and having fun doing it, but I would have much more fun when I am leading my own music group I think. For me, musical expression needs full-on freedom of creativity in my own way. I feel like some people desire to use some of my abilities, but neglect the other ones because they don’t fit into their own idea of THEIR music. Its not THEIR music I’m after though. I’m after MY music, but I’d like to contribute on occasion to THEIR music. So I’m not really selfish, …its my abilities in the first place, but I choose how to use them, and I want to use some of it to contribute to other’s music, just in the capacity that I choose. I don’t want someone dictating to me how to express myself musically.
So - I have done enough today in blogging. I think. I hope I’ll go on today and make a plan and begin to set goals and work VERY VERY VERY VERYVERYVERY hard at them. I don’t want to be swayed from focus. I don’t want to be rude either. I want to be firm in expressing what I want and what I believe in.
BTW, if you don’t hear me expressing anything about christmass (Christ-mass??) then its only because I cannot really see how it fits into what I believe I should celebrate, because its a cross between being caught up in worldly traditions and trying to see the "real" meaning of "Christmas" when in all reality it wasn’t even started as having anything to do with Christ. Some wicked rulers in medival times decided they’d try and mix christianity up with some paganism and so they called their usual celebration of the "Queen of Heaven" a "Christ-Mass" later shortened to Christmas. What if its all about what I THINK about? Well, could you reconcile that with your wife sleeping with some guy in your bed and you catch them in the act and she says "I was thinking of YOU the whole time"? A bit of an over-board perspective perhaps, but the questions should be asked. I just simply cannot get wrapped up (haha, no pun intended) in this holiday and what the usual traditions are. The shopping for gifts, the elaborate parties which are in an excess of number, the tree and its "decorations" which resemble more of an idol to me, and which many people have contentions over anyways….and under it the gifts which many get so jealous of. The opening of the presents all in the presence of everyone who may not receive as nice a gift as another. Its really kind of stupid. I like gifts and I like to give gifts, but it can be done in private and not like as it says the pharisees did - ..with sounding of trumpets and drawing attention so that many may hold them in high esteem as being a charitable person.
Don’t tell me I don’t like to celebrate and have a good time either. I just think the reason for celebration ought to be in question. Its WHAT we’re celebrating…right? So we can say we’re celebrating Jesus’ birth and then later on go about all of the usual stupid traditions and say "merry christmas" all over again, and what are we doing different? So you have to ask yourself what makes my celebration different? Okay, so maybe the day I celebrate could be changed, or maybe just how I celebrate. Maybe instead of having a christmas tree and gifts under it, I could celebrate by making someone I care about breakfast in bed. Maybe I could celebrate with not buying an expensive gift that puts me in debt and just make a small gift or write a letter or card. Maybe I don’t need to feel obligated to do anything. Maybe thats my celebration….a simple day of rest and reflection - to remember what it was Christ DID …not just the fact that he was born …on a completely different day by the way.
Some thoughts to ponder. I hope I make some life changing decisions today which will be for the BEST …not just better.